With the New Year comes a cavalcade of resolutions, most of which will be broken before the champagne corks can be found and thrown away. Beyond resolutions are issues that plague many retirees and their families. These are not matters of exercising more or eating less; they are fundamental changes that are being forced by circumstances seemingly beyond our control. The toughest ones have to do with money.

Living on a fixed income in a society where the economy appears to be broken is tough on many levels. Sometimes we have to explore alternatives that can be clouded in misinformation, like reverse mortgages or tapping into life insurance policies. As difficult as these possibilities are, they pale in comparison to re-evaluating financial relationships within the family.

With our dad, we reached a point where he could no longer afford to take the family out for dinner or purchase gifts extravagantly. He had always been the great benefactor, but late in his life, the money was starting to run out.

The transition from his treating us to our treating him took several years and a great deal of delicate family negotiations. On his end were issues of pride; on ours were concerns that he needed to conserve. Happily, we arrived at a place where Dad could be a magnanimous receiver. Whether in restaurants or holiday giving, he learned to accept our generosity as a gift to us; we were being blessed by the opportunity to express our gratitude for all he had given us.

Each of us defines who we are by things we do. But each of us is also a person in transition. Jesse Jackson expressed it perfectly, “God, is not finished with me yet.” So it is that even roles as clearly defined as child and parent evolve over time. When that happens in an atmosphere of openness, love and understanding, it brings both parties to new and rewarding places.

The fact is, for most of us, the price of generosity can become burdensome as our retirement years lengthen. But that does not mean we do not have value to give. We just need to learn to give differently. When we offer our loved ones an opportunity to give to us, we are bestowing a gift as well.

What and how we give and receive is part of who we are and how we care. It changes as we do and that isn’t wrong or less, rather it is the natural order of things. Whether it is the seasons or our lives, embracing change always makes it easier.

Perhaps in this New Year there is an opportunity to teach two of life’s most difficult lessons:  the sharing of burdens with those who care and graceful receiving.

Aging in Place, it doesn’t happen by accident.

          No matter what our ages, there are some words that just make our hearts sink. As parents of teenagers, pregnant or police officer have that impact. As older adults, it’s cancer or Alzheimer’s. This past fall, I went through that scare when the search for the cause of my sciatica revealed I had bladder cancer.

          That the cancer was found, and found so early, was real luck, my doctor said. But it didn’t feel like luck; it felt like I was looking down a long dark tunnel that kept getting longer and darker. Of course, I was positive and kept stressing the bright side. Still . . .

          Tests were quickly ordered and administered. This was scary too. Let’s face it, however we may describe our medical system, no one calls it “fast”, and everyone was so serious in their encouragement.

          Worst of all was sharing the news with friends. The “C” word often brought out a well-meaning, but unsettling litany of tragic stories. It was like touching the mother lode of sorrow where everyone’s compassion reached out, directly toward my own deepest fears.

          As it turned out, I really was lucky. Everyone at the Fletcher Allen Health Care was wonderful. A simple procedure removed the cancer. They got all of it and I didn’t even need chemo or radiation. If it hadn’t been for the sciatica and my doctor’s insistence on tests to figure out the cause, I’d still have bladder cancer, but I wouldn’t know about it yet.

          Finally, it all seemed to be behind me, until an associate mentioned how wonderful it will be next year when I celebrate my first anniversary as a cancer survivor.

          Wham! The best of intentions, I’m sure, but “cancer survivor”? More scary words. Of course, he was right. Having cancer isn’t like a bad tooth. Getting it out doesn’t end it. That was something I hadn’t considered and am still in the process of comprehending.

          As I meet clients dealing with chronic illnesses, there is a new openness within me. I’m hearing more lately. Perhaps, I’m also a bit more cautious in how I respond. This is especially true when scary words are spoken. There is less that separates us than I used to believe and we have much more in common than I ever expected.

          Aging in Place, it doesn’t happen by accident.

Calling the Senior HelpLine

          After touting the Senior HelpLine all these years, it seems like a good idea to find out what actually happens when someone calls 1-800-642-5119.  To find out, I called John Barbour, Executive Director of the Champlain Valley Agency on Aging (CVAA).

          Barbour explained that a call is answered at the Agency on Aging office nearest the caller, by a nationally certified professional in referral services. If, for example, you want to know about Meals on Wheels, he/or she will ask for your information and get you set up.

          The goal of the people on the other end of the phone is to help you understand your options and connect you with the appropriate service. It could be as simple as your wanting to volunteer in the community, or as complex as choosing the right Medicare Part D plan.

          If the call is more complicated, like the need for health insurance, they will take a message and a Health Insurance Counselor will call you.  If needed, a referral can be made to an Agency on Aging case manager who can visit you at home and help you apply for the services and benefits you need to live as independently as possible.

          Many of the calls the HelpLine receives are related to basic need, such as food, housing options and transportation.  Other callers want to know about exercise and healthy aging programs.  Increasingly, with more people wanting to remain at home, callers want to know about options for home care.

          Suppose you just turned 65 or just retired. Someone can walk you through the choices and options you need to be aware of. Medicare is usually the big question and they have monthly seminars called New to Medicare at CVAA.   The Senior HelpLine can direct you to the information source nearest you.

          Maybe you need help with living expenses and health care; you might qualify for Medicaid, VPharm, 3SquaresVT, or fuel assistance. Many of the services are restricted to qualifying income, age or health situations, but the local Agencies on Aging can provide information and assistance to anyone, regardless of income or health care needs.  If it’s just information you want, you can even call anonymously.

          Perhaps you are caring for a loved one or friend. The Senior HelpLine offers a wealth of information and can help caregivers as well as seniors themselves. What if your parent needs assistance, but lives out of Vermont? No problem.  “A lot of the caregivers we deal with are out of state, trying to help someone here in Vermont,” says Barbour. “The senior help line is the best place to call because we have the greatest breadth of knowledge about services for seniors.”

          The Senior HelpLine can be more helpful than you might think. Aging in Place, it doesn’t happen by accident.

Slogans or Solutions

          The Vermont legislature and Governor Douglas are again grappling with the daunting task of balancing the state’s budget. This is beginning to seem like an annual exercise in futility as revenues continue to decline during the worst financial crisis to grip the nation since the great depression.

          “State revenues” is a nice way of saying taxes. Vermonters are making and spending less money. The budget must be balanced. Unlike the federal government, Vermont can’t run up a deficit or simply print more money. Historically, the Green Mountain State has solved this problem by a combination of raising taxes and cutting services.

          This time it is different. Both the Governor and the Speaker of the House have declared in the strongest terms possible, “NO NEW TAXES”. While no one wants to see their taxes go up, especially retirees, this one-sided approach to the budget gap means working for a solution with one hand tied behind our backs.

          There are programs of particular importance to older voters that save more than they cost. Others programs involve matching federal dollars. Then there are costs that are going to be paid either by the state or by the rest of us.

          This last is called “cost shifting”.  My favorite example of this is road work and bridge repair. Not too long ago, I hit a pot hole so big it blew out both tires on that side and ruined the rims. While the tow driver was hooking up my car, he joked, “That hole is buyin’ me a new fishin’ boat”.  Not fixing that road was not saving anyone money.

          Cutting grant money that supports the foster grandparents, neighbor to neighbor, and senior companion programs undercut elder independence. The foster grandparents program saves tax dollars by keeping the grandchildren out of the social service program. Independent citizens contribute to the economy and save higher tax dollars. Supporting people in their own homes is less expensive than maintaining them in a long term care facility.  

          No one likes taxes. These are hard times for almost all of us. But a cut and slash approach to the budget will not solve our problems, it will only redistribute them. Government by slogan may get applause from the crowd and make good headlines, but one has a hard time seeing it as leadership.

          Certainly we must cut where we can. But make no mistake, there are services the state provides that are necessary. If the state abdicates the responsibility, money is not saved.  People will pay the price.  Not some faraway, vague “them”.  It will be our neighbors, friends, family and ourselves. The older we are, the heavier the burden will be.

          We can’t just keep letting the pot holes get bigger.

          Aging in Place, it doesn’t happen by accident.

Back to Reverse

            The past two years have seen more changes in reverse mortgages than the preceding decade. The most obvious has been the increased advertising. Mail boxes are full of promises of big bucks and the television ads seem to be constant. So, it seemed like a good idea to visit this topic again.

            What is a reverse mortgage? It is a mortgage specifically designed to help homeowners over 62 access the equity trapped in their homes. There are no monthly payments, so you borrow the money you get and you borrow the interest on that money. This means your debt goes up over time. The loan never comes due until the last homeowner leaves the property. Qualifying is based on age and home value, not credit history or income.

            Vermont has laws specific to reverse mortgages. The Green Mountain State allows only reverse mortgages insured by the Federal Housing Administration (FHA). These are called Home Equity Conversion Mortgages (HECM).

            A counseling session with an FHA-approved HECM counselor is part of the application process. Vermont requires that counseling be face-to-face, or over the phone with those agencies that have registered with Department of Banking, Insurance, Securities and Health Care Administration. Two agencies have signed up so far to do phone counseling. Face-to-face counseling is available in Brattleboro and Lyndonville.

            Currently, the lending limit for HECM’s has been increased to $625,000. This has greatly increased the number of retirees who can benefit from a reverse mortgage. It is also now possible to use a reverse mortgage to purchase a home.

            Many people are refinancing from conventional to reverse mortgages simply to free themselves from the risk of foreclosure.

            Reverse mortgages are now available with either a fixed rate (where you take all available funds at once) or an adjustable rate (where you get a credit line and borrow money only as you need it).

            Perhaps the biggest change has been in the fees usually associated with reverse mortgages. For most people looking into a HECM, the origination fee of up to $6,000 has been a real obstacle. Even though all the costs associated with a reverse mortgage are part of the loan, $6,000 is a lot of money. In the last few weeks, most of the larger national companies introduced a choice of programs with or without an up front origination fee.

            Reverse mortgages are now offered by numerous brokers and direct lenders. Program choices have increased dramatically.  Choosing whom to work with is more important than ever. Your local bank or credit union may be able to recommend someone (most still don’t offer reverse mortgages). You can also check online with the National Reverse Mortgage Lenders Association, www.reversemortgage.org.

            Involving trusted advisors is also important. Talk to your family and friends. Increasingly, lawyers are offering reverse mortgage advice. If you don’t have an attorney, seek out one who specializes in Elder Law.

            These are challenging times and reverse mortgages can often help, but they aren’t for everyone. Do your research, take your time, and get answers to all your questions before you decide.

             After all, Aging in Place, it doesn’t happen by accident.

Aging and Home Ownership

In meeting with clients across the state, I find a surprising amount of confusion surrounding home ownership. Not who owns the home and lives it, but how the deed reads. The legal stuff, especially concerns about inheritance and Medicaid planning.

There was the lovely lady whose husband had been killed during World War II. She had never put the house into her name. True, she had inherited the property and lived there legally, but taxes and insurance still came addressed to a man gone over 50 years! (Back then, it was common for the property to be in the name of the husband only. Now, traditional and non-traditional couples usually have both partners on the deed.)  As a gift to her children, she agreed that it might be a good idea to update her deed.

Not quite so many years ago, homeowners were advised to protect their property from Medicaid by putting the house in their children’s names. Unfortunately, younger people are statistically more likely to have legal problems. If the children own the home it could be attached in a lawsuit or made part of a divorce settlement, putting the parents at risk. Not surprisingly, most attorneys and estate planners don’t advise this anymore.

An irrevocable trust was another way of protecting the home from Medicaid. The owners place the home in a trust and can live out their lives in the property. When the parents die, the children or other beneficiaries take over as the new trustees. These are not used very often anymore, the problem being loss of control. The person who put the house into the trust cannot take it back out. That’s the irrevocable part. Lenders are reluctant to loan due to the possibility of future conflicts with the beneficiaries, making it much more difficult to access equity in the home.

What I see more of now are revocable trusts or life estates. A life estate is fairly simple. The property is signed over to the heirs, but the owners hold an interest during their lifetimes. They can sell or get a mortgage and manage the home as they choose. At the time of inheritance, the home passes to the heirs automatically, without going through probate.

Revocable trusts accomplish the same thing, but are far more complicated and expensive to establish. Although I have seen homeowners of modest means with revocable trusts, they are of the greatest benefit to people with considerable wealth.

So, we have gone from wanting to protect our homes from Medicaid to protecting them from probate. That is because two generations ago people planned to get onto Medicaid, which meant spending down to the qualifying level. Now, most people are doing Not Medicaid planning. After all, who wants to plan on being poor?

Of course, none of this is meant to be legal advice. The purpose here is first to remind people to check the status of their property deed; don’t assume a solution 10 or 20 years ago is still a good idea today. Consult a qualified estate planner or elder law attorney if you are worried about inheritance or Medicaid issues with regards to your home.

Legal stuff is a part of aging and we all know that Aging in Place doesn’t happen by accident.

Aging in Motion

            There are events that mark the seasons: when the swallows come back to Capistrano, the buzzards return to Hinckley, Ohio, and, of course, the return of the snowbirds to Vermont.

            When the last of their bags have been unpacked, the water turned back on, and the phone re-activated, it can be said with confidence summer is truly here.

            Say what you will about us grey heads, we do not just sit idly on porches watching the world go by. Instead, we are zipping around in Mini-Cooper convertibles, roaring by on Harley Davidsons, and sweating past as we pump our speed racer bicycles.

            Fitness of mind and body is at least as important in retirement as in youth or midlife.  Today’s older Americans keep more active in more ways than their grandparents could have imagined. The old adage, “Use it or lose it”, has now become, “Move it or lose it.”

            An aunt of mine discovered adult lifelong learning tours in her early 80’s. These trips abroad are coordinated through a university. Travelers study a place or topic as they sightsee in distant lands. My aunt saw China, Spain, England, and the Middle East.

            Not everyone wants to travel, of course. Many retirees are donating their time or working at jobs that always held an attraction, but didn’t fit their career path. My favorite is a retired high school history teacher I know who now works as a teacher’s aid in a kindergarten class.

            People in businesses like mine, who work primarily with retirees, know how hard it can be to squeeze in an appointment. Retirees’ schedules are filled weeks ahead, the hours of the day packed with valuable minutes of a life with a purpose. No doubt about it, one of the great joys of getting older is discovering, or rediscovering, the places there are to go and the things there are to do.

            Today, aging isn’t so much about staying young; it is about being who you are, when you are.  And, of course, when you get back.

            Aging in Place, it doesn’t happen by accident.

The Inspiration of Aging

            What started me on this was a comment someone made to me at a yard sale. She had recognized me from the picture with this column. “Dealing with old people all the time, it must really wear on you.”

            “No,” I replied, “it is actually very inspiring.”

            She just stared blankly at me for a few seconds and then walked off in silence. Since I couldn’t finish the conversation with her, I’ll finish it with you.

            Take a client I spoke with just this week. His wife died suddenly this summer and his son is undergoing extensive treatments for cancer. When I offered my condolences for the loss of his wife he said, “Well, it was a blessing in that she went quick and peacefully. Don’t know how I’ll manage without her, but there’s no time for that right now. Right now, my son needs me. That’s the important thing.”

            A couple I met with lately in their mid-sixties are each taking care of an aging mother who lives alone. Both mothers require a considerable amount of time and energy to keep them independent and in their own homes.

            When I asked what they would do differently if they could, the wife answered, “We’d like to be able to travel a bit, but we can’t with things being the way they are.” “It must be tough,” I commented. “Oh, no. I wouldn’t have it any other way. After all, this is what people do when they love each other. Isn’t it?”

            Almost daily, people share with me the heroic stories of their everyday lives. By simply doing what they feel they should, they are making the world a better place. And they are teaching me a great deal about human values.

            It isn’t just family, either. I meet neighbors and friends who have welcomed the opportunity (I almost said burden) of assisting one another. The support comes in the form of money, providing care, helping around the house and garden, or just dropping by occasionally to listen again to familiar stories. These wingless angels come in all ages, but it is remarkable how many are what we call “seniors”.

            An eighty year old lady volunteer from a church group summed it up pretty well: “I’ve gotten a lot of help in my time, much of it from people I was never able to repay. The little I do for others not only passes the good I have received along to someone else, it fills my days with a very special kind of joy.”

            Aging in Place, it doesn’t happen by accident.