Aging in Place Columns – 2009
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January – Retirement Strategies
February – Parenting, Special Needs and Aging in Place
March – The Politics of Retirement
April – Plowing Through the Paper Piles
May – Grieving Loss
June – Exercise & Aging
July – Pass to America
August – Pain
September – Lifelong Learning
October – The Aging in Aging in Place
November – Aging & Pets
December – Weatherizing for Winter
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Scott Funk is Vermont’s leading Aging in Place advocate, writing and speaking around the state on issues of concern to retirees and their families. He works as a reverse mortgage consultant.
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Retirement Strategies
“With my family’s history, I expect to be dead in 5 years.” We were talking about retirement strategies. That statement summed up his. Dying isn’t a retirement strategy. What if we don’t die? What then?
A retirement strategy needs to be long term and it needs to be sustainable. Back in the 1960’s, working with a really sharp financial planner the strategy was probably for money to last into our mid-70’s. Fast forward to 2009 and 75 isn’t even considered that old anymore. Now planners figure people will live to 100, but in 2050, who knows how many centenarians will be still riding motorcycles?
Sustainability involves planning in a way that allows us to maintain our goals for longer than we can imagine. One of my clients put it brilliantly, “At 85 I realized the bad news wasn’t that I died at 84, it was I still that I was going strong at 85.”
For most people, the goals can be summed up with the three “M’s”: money, mansion and meaning. We need enough money to support an active, fulfilling, independent life. Having enough means being free of money worries and in control of our financial choices
Mansion is our home, be it ever so humble, rented or owned, continuing care or retirement village; we all want to have control of that choice. What makes a home a mansion is the warmth and security we enjoy living there.
Meaning is making a difference, feeling that we matter and are appreciated by others. We all want to live out our lives as ourselves, being true to the person we believe ourselves to be: our best self, able to contribute and to receive the blessings of friends, family, and community.
As one year ends and a new one begins, it is a perfect time to take inventory of retirement strategy. Is it still sustainable, what does the long term look like, and how are we doing with the 3 “M’s”? After all, Aging in Place doesn’t happen by accident.
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Parenting, Special Needs and Aging in Place
One of my clients is an adult with special needs. He is the beneficiary of a 60 year old trust created to provide for his care. Thanks to some very farsighted parents he has been able to grow older in a stable, safe, familiar and secure environment.
There is a great deal of talk about the graying of the Baby Boomers. Less is said or written about their roles as providers of care for their children with special needs. Part of the mainstreaming of these individuals has been their being able to live at home. They and their parents are growing older together. The love that has provided a lifetime of support can and often needs to reach into the distant future. That calls for a very special kind of planning.
Vermont Elder Law Attorney, Glenn Jarrett, explained to me there is more to consider than just Special Needs Trusts and Medicaid Planning. Trusts and Planning can ensure there are adequate funds and appropriate medical resources. “Beyond the law is the person and their everyday needs and joys.” Jarrett referred to a Letter of Intent to provide the necessary details for continuity of support, should the parent not be available.
The Letter of Intent covers the big things like medicines, where they are and how they are given, food preferences and allergies, doctors’ numbers, and the location of important papers. An alternative care provider must be identified.
Equally critical are things like lists of what frightens or reassures a person, how does he like to be touched, what reassures her when stressed? If there are pets, what interaction is most successful? Which activities occur when and does the order matter?
Just thinking out the many and varied aspects of care can be exhausting. “There is so much to do each day, thinking 50 years ahead can be beyond comprehension,” Jarrett explained, “but after a lifetime of care, who is better placed to provide for the best in the future?”
Contemplating the day we won’t be around can be hard for any of us. Yet the sooner and more completely we make appropriate arrangements, the easier it is for those we leave behind. The more we love someone, the more they rely upon us, the farther into the future we must reach with our caring.
Those who do the most, most need to know all will be done well. After all, Aging in Place doesn’t happen by accident.
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The Politics of Retirement
Recently, I met with a 65 year old client. Three years ago he retired, his future made secure by the pension he had earned in 35 years of labor. Then the company went bankrupt and he was left scrambling for ways survive without the money promised all his working life. Increasingly, people who planned well, saved prudently, worked hard and loyally played by the company rules are finding the retirement and medical benefits promised them cannot be counted on.
Even as this column is being written, negotiations are going on between the auto makers and union representatives about contributions to the pension fund. The auto industry is desperate for federal assistance and a condition of that assistance is a reorganization of the companies’ obligations to retired and current auto workers. Politics is weighing in on the issue of long term retirement security, not to protect the benefits of retirees, but to erode them. The expediency of Now is overriding the promises made over a lifetime.
Whatever the financial pressures of the current crisis, it should not be lost on anyone that we can no longer be certain the benefits and pensions promised us will actually be delivered. This should matter to all workers regardless of their ages, for retirees are the canaries in the coal mine. What is happening to them today is the best indication of what will happen to us tomorrow.
It is remarkable that in a society where golden parachutes are the norm for executives and politicians retire with far greater financial security than most of us ever experience in a lifetime, most of us are being cast adrift without the slightest question of responsibility to do right.
To do right. It looks odd on the page and sounds funny to the ear, like a motto from some distant age. But as we pass through the trials which are before us, it is hard to imagine we will not find an abundance of wrong. Is there not a lesson in this for us?
Among the challenges we will be facing in the coming years is the question of retirement and what place it is to have in the lives of American workers. Are we going to return to the years before Roosevelt, when to be old meant to be poor? Is this generation now in retirement going to be the last generation to enjoy that privilege? Or are we going to stand together as a people and fashion a system of retirement benefits which is solid and worthy of trust, so we can look to the future with confidence?
There is no more universal issue in this country than the long term financial security of our citizens. Aging touches everyone. How can any of us believe our future is secure when the security of our parents is being made so tenuous?
At some point we, “the people”, must take ownership of our futures and create something we can believe in. When that day comes, we will be assured of our success by the well-being of the retirees among us.
After all, Aging in Place, it doesn’t happen by accident.
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Plowing Through the Paper Piles
In our house, tax time means sorting through paperwork. There are boxes and boxes of records. This year I realized that some of the stuff goes way back into the last century -- time to cull the herd.
Keeping everything isn’t unique to me. When a neighbor of mine passed, they found boxes of canceled checks dating back to 1939, all neatly organized. Unfortunately, they didn’t find the will and insurance papers for 8 months! That’s the problem: having so much can be too much and you can’t find what you need when you need it.
Part of what drives us to keep all our records is the fear of throwing something out now and needing it later. Knowing everything is in the attic may seem more secure, but actually finding anything in the attic can be next to impossible. It is doubly so for those trying to assist us in managing our affairs.
Knowing where things are is a different kind of security. The peace that comes from order is a source of real confidence. This is a learned process and cannot be found beneath a pile of documents going back to the Eisenhower administration.
You could go cold turkey, just start at the back of the stack and pitch the old stuff out. I get the cold sweats just thinking about doing that. No way I’m tossing without sorting.
So I start with a box or a pile and go through it. Like many difficult tasks, this one can be easier when shared. Bring in a friend or loved one. Sit down together and begin. Make time as you do to enjoy the memories attached to some of the items and share the significance with your helper. Take your time and set realistic goals. It took ages to accumulate the stuff; it doesn’t have to get sorted out all at once.
My system uses two boxes and the dreaded shredder. Box one is “I’m keeping this for sure”, box two is “Maybe”, and the shredder is a hard and fast decision. Don’t be discouraged if everything seems to be going into the boxes at first. Shredding is like any other art form: it takes time and practice. Spending several hours sorting papers tends to put some real perspective on their value. After a few hundred sheets, the shredder will be humming.
Stuff can be a weight and sorting is a nuisance, but order and easier access are worth the effort. Aging in Place, it doesn’t happen by accident.
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Grieving Loss
In the past few weeks, this author has received many comments referencing the column on grief. Whether it is for the death of a friend or the loss of a job, job security or retirement savings, grieving loss is a necessary part of life. With that in mind, we take the liberty of re-sharing this column from 2007.
“It seems like every day I learn of someone else who has died or discover something else I can’t do.” The 87 year old client who shared this with me summed up perfectly the constant state of loss and grief which is part of aging.
As I approach 60, gardening has become something I get in shape for each spring. Driving at night is more difficult. Skiing the big bumps is no longer possible for the same reason I need to wear elastic supports around my knees when I dance. My body has lasted long enough to have earned a little accommodation.
Whether it is the death of a friend or realizing we can’t carry the air conditioner down from the attic anymore, it is a loss. Some are significant to everyone. Others are private and difficult to explain. All matter and deserve to be grieved. That is not always easy.
When my knees couldn’t take the moguls anymore, I decided to stop skiing. It just wasn’t the same. An old ski buddy had faced the same decision a few years before. He adjusted and continued to ski. I didn’t and we drifted apart. More loss, more grief.
It wasn’t until I attended a class on grieving that I appreciated what was happening. Not only had I stopped skiing, I no longer enjoyed winter at all. Because I hadn’t allowed myself to grieve, I couldn’t process the loss and move on. Once I did, I was able to replace one winter sport with another. Now, I thoroughly enjoy snow walks with my camera in the woods behind my house.
So, when Dad shares that he can’t do this or that anymore, don’t minimize it. Inquire about how he feels; acknowledge how tough that must be. When Mom’s friend passes, ask about the person and encourage a few stories of the times they had together. We can help to bring the grief out into the open where it can heal.
Sometimes the best support we have to offer is taking the time to listen.
Aging in Place, it doesn’t happen by accident.
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Exercise and Aging
“Of course you hurt yourself. At your age, you need to work up to strenuous exercise. Take things more gradually until you are in shape.” That’s how my doctor put it when I went to see him about a muscle strain last spring. I had injured myself gardening.
Let me repeat that: I had injured myself gardening. Gardening. I had failed to prepare myself enough for raking and hoeing.
Talk about hurt feelings! I’ve never been an athlete, but I’ve always been athletic -- alpine and cross-country skiing, canoeing, wilderness hiking, camping. Maybe I’m not as active as I used to be, but . . .
It took me awhile to accept it, but the truth is I’m not as active as I used to be. My job entails long hours in the car or at a computer, I haven’t skied in years, my hiking is more like a leisurely stroll in the local woods, and camping to me now is staying at an unfamiliar hotel chain while traveling.
Like it or not, I’ve reached the place in my life where activities which used to be easy are not. That presented a problem because I needed to exercise and stretch. When I did, just touching my toes was so difficult at first, I gave up in disgust. Little by little, accommodations were made and new kinds of exercise entered my life.
Now, I start the morning with some stretching. Nothing dramatic mind you, just slow reaching down, leaning back and squatting sort of things. It still doesn’t do much for my ego, but it helps keep things limber.
Before breakfast there is a brisk walk uphill for twenty minutes; that’s my cardio. Then there are easier walks to the post office in the morning and around the village in the evening. Nothing dramatic, but it makes me feel better all day.
In fact, when I miss the stretching or walks, I really do miss them. Taking that time for myself somehow makes the day longer and gives me more time for other things. On the days I’m in too big a hurry for my exercise, it seems things rush out of control right up to the moment I crawl into bed exhausted.
As for gardening, I’m building up to it this year. Starting with a little hoeing, weeding, digging or raking, I make sure and rotate the activities. Nothing for too long. Nothing too hard. Pacing is all and the variety of jobs means less stress on the same muscles and joints.
I’m taking my time, getting in shape for a great year of injury-free gardening and a healthier, happier life. After all, Aging in Place doesn’t happen by accident.
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Pass to America
Summer’s here! A lot of us will be making shorter trips while watching dollars. The National Park Service offers a great value for US citizens over 62: America the Beautiful – The National Parks and Federal Recreational Lands Senior Pass. We’ll just call it the Senior Pass.
For a onetime fee of $10, you get a lifetime pass good for entrance into any participating Federal recreation site in the country. It admits the bearer and 3 other adults in the same car (children under 16 are free) to sites where admittance is by car with per person charges. At walk-in sites, it admits only the bearer. It also provides discounts on some amenities, like camp sites.
While it may be a long way to the Grand Canyon, there are plenty of places to visit within a day’s drive.
Vermont has only one location, the Marsh-Billings-Rockefeller National Park in Woodstock. Formerly a Rockefeller summer residence, it has an incredible art collection, fabulous grounds and, of course, the mansion.
Next door, in New Hampshire, is the Saint-Gaudens National Historic Site (on Route 12, just a few miles south of the box stores in West Lebanon). Saint-Gaudens was one of the country’s most famous sculptors in the post civil war area. Around the grounds are copies of his favorite works: Standing Lincoln, Admiral Farragut, Shaw’s Memorial, Sherman’s Victory, to name a few. The house is lovely and the grounds are remarkable. They also host various concerts and art events all through the summer (as do many of the other sites).
Over in New York, from the Saratoga National Historic Park down through the Hudson River Valley to Hyde Park and the homes of Eleanor and Franklin Roosevelt, there are half a dozen forts and other historic sites. Along the way are beautiful parks, lovely state-owned mansions, and the views that inspired the Hudson River School.
Way over on the coast of Maine, there’s Arcadia National Park, a cultural center in St. John Valley, and St. Croix Island International Historic Site. The Roosevelt summer home at Campobello International Park can make the longer drive worthwhile.
If that doesn’t fill up your summer enough, check out all the golf courses, hiking trails, and scenic stops along the way. It is all close by and offers interest and adventures for a carload of all ages.
The Senior Pass can be purchased at any Federal recreation site. You can go online to www.nps.gov for information about the National Park Service. From there you can go to individual states and individual sites.
For more information about the Senior Pass, google “America the Beautiful National Park Pass”. It is the best $10 value out there.
Plan a nice summer, enjoy the area. Aging in Place, it doesn’t happen by accident.
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Pain
The pain started in my back. I just woke up one morning, started to get out of bed, and screamed. Over the next few days the discomfort moved down through my hip and into my leg. After a week it had gotten so bad I could hardly walk. I, of course, was trying to tough it out.
While trying to put on a brave face, I wondered privately what horrible, debilitating disease I had contracted. Was this how my life would be from now on? How would I make a living? Surfing the internet I looked up everything from polio to muscular degeneration. Almost everything I found seemed to have at least some of my symptoms.
As the pain continued, it got hard to stand upright. When I could move about, it was with a pronounced limp. Once, my leg buckled and I fell. Sleep was fitful at best; I tossed and turned all night. The worries mounted along with the fatigue.
When I finally went to the doctor, it turned out to be sciatica. He explained what was wrong and assured me in a few weeks, at most, I’d be fine. Thanks to medications, acupuncture treatments, and massage, I started feeling better. Both my wife and I slept through the first night in what seemed like an eternity.
Along with the relief from the pain, came release from my worrying. As with so many things, my fear of what might be wrong turned out far worse than the actual problem. It also caused me to suffer needlessly as I delayed seeing the doctor. As much as I wanted help with my problem, I didn’t want to have my worst fears confirmed. It took symptoms getting far worse than necessary for me to seek help.
When I called clients to reschedule appointments, many shared similar experiences with me. It seems, among retirees some form of discomfort is almost universal. If a person hadn’t been troubled, his or her partner had.
Part of aging is dealing with pain and the fear of losing our health and independence. Often this fear is greater than the actual problems we face. As I turn sixty, I am learning that it takes certain kind of courage to deal with health issues earlier rather than later. I’m also discovering that, while a lot can go wrong, it doesn’t have to. Early diagnosis also means early treatment.
Aging in Place, it doesn’t happen by accident.
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Lifelong Learning
“You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.” That isn’t true about dogs and it certainly doesn’t apply to people. We can continue learning throughout our lives. The good news (and the bad) is that our brains, like our muscles, run on a use-it-or-lose-it basis.
One way to keep the brain in shape is to attend some of the Osher Lifelong Learning Institute’s many programs offered throughout Vermont each year. Whether you live in Newport or Brattleboro, Rutland or Springfield, there is an OLLI location near you.
The Bernard Osher Foundation, not surprisingly, was founded by Bernard Osher. The Foundation “seeks to improve quality of life through support of higher education in the Arts.” Mr. O hails from Maine and having made his fortune, now offers people across the country opportunities to extend themselves and enhance their lives.
Just as the kids (or grandkids) head back to school, the season starts for us later learners, as well. On September 26th at the University of Vermont’s Center for Aging, there is a one-day workshop entitled, “Working on Purpose in the Second Half of Life”. Learn more about this workshop and other OLLI programs online at www.learn.uvm.edu/osher or call 802-656-4220 to register for the workshop.
UVM’s Osher Institute offers more than 80 affordable, non-credit programs for Vermonters age 50+. You can sign up for just one, or the entire semester. A complete list of programs, locations and registration details is available toll free at 800-639-3210 or on the website.
Getting off the subject a little, what about computers?! It seems we just can’t avoid them, so why not join in? Increasingly, the “web” is where the information is.
If you don’t have a computer or aren’t comfortable using one, there are two places you can get very friendly help. Both are close by, no matter where you live. The first is your community library. Libraries aren’t just for books anymore; they are leading the way to getting every part of Vermont wired into the 21st century.
The second place is your local adult day or senior center. These are staffed by friendly folks who are more than capable of assisting you in your quest for online skill and knowledge.
Take a few minutes and see what is offered near you. You don’t have to own a computer to use one. And there’s a whole world of information and communication out there waiting.
Aging in Place, it doesn’t happen by accident.
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The Aging in Aging in Place
I am entering my 7th year as an Aging in Place advocate. During that tenure, I have attended conferences, taken courses, gone to countless meetings, met with hundreds of retirees, organized events across the state and, yes, written these columns. In spite of all that, I recently had it demonstrated to me that I really didn’t ‘get it’.
My emphasis has been on the Place in Aging in Place. Since I turned 60 in August, that emphasis has shifted to the Aging.
It started a few months before my birthday. During a break at the Governor’s Summit on Poverty in Montpelier, I moved from my very uncomfortable chair to a nearby cushioned seat to talk with a colleague. When the young lady in whose chair I was seated returned, I started to get up. “Oh, no, sir”, she kindly said, “You keep that chair. It’s much softer for you.” I was cut to the quick, but I thanked her and kept the chair.
Then the nice folks at the pharmacy began offering me the senior discount. This generosity is now spreading to other stores.
A sciatica episode didn’t make me feel any younger, either. Wasn’t it Grandpa on the Real McCoy’s TV show who used to complain, “My siaticee is actin’ up”?
Perhaps the worst blow is that when my age is asked and I say I’m 60, it’s greeted with silence. Up through my 50’s people were always insisting, “No! You look so much younger!”
There are lots of other little indignities that seem to be accumulating on me. People are holding doors open for me more often. Those who are not clearly older than I am appear to be vastly younger.
So, I’m actually starting to feel like I’m getting older: aging. On the whole I don’t mind living longer, but getting older is a real blow to the ego. It feels like . . . well it feels like my father looked!
The odd thing is, inside myself, I haven’t aged at all. I’m still the same person I was 10 or 20 years ago. I haven’t changed. What has changed is how I’m treated and what is expected of me.
Years ago, in a poem, I described aging as being a time traveler. I am becoming more aware of that journey. Something different is seeping into my consciousness, informing me about this journey through time that I am on. There is an end. As I begin to comprehend that in a personal way, how I view and experience everything else is changing. It is as if life is coming into a sharper focus. Time is more personal. I am more sensitive about it. Whether getting older is good or bad will largely be determined by how I deal with it.
Aging touches who we are and how we are touched. It may not be bad, but it certainly isn’t a frolic through a field of daisies, either. Aging in Place, it doesn’t happen by accident (but it can certainly come as a surprise).
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Aging and Pets
In Ben Stein’s book, How to Ruin Your Life, he lists not having pets as an excellent way to make life less enjoyable. Whether dogs, cats, fish or iguanas; having a pet brings joy, companionship, routine and much more into anyone’s life. That doesn’t diminish with age; we never outgrow the pleasure of pets.
Few things can be brought forward from our youth throughout our lives like playing catch with a dog or getting a deep, satisfying purr from a cat. Pets can transport us back through time in a miraculous way. They may not keep us young, but they enable us to renew our connections with youth. And they do keep us more active and involved.
Studies have established the healthful benefit of pets so effectively, it is largely taken as fact. Many hospitals, convalescent homes or continuing care facilities partner with animal shelters to provide for “patting visits”. These opportunities are highly valued by patients and residences of all ages.
I frequently I meet with older pet owners whose purpose in hanging onto their homes is the fear a beloved pet won’t be allowed at the assisted living or retirement community. Small pets might be allowed, but no longer have the big yard to play in. “I’ll go after Fluffy does, but in the meantime, we are both staying put,” is something I’ve heard more than once
Often in these situations, the adult children take Mom or Dad’s concern as frivolous and exasperating. Junior has already made plans, the move is nearly set, why can’t Dad just get along with the program? The dog is 12 now, so how much longer can he last anyway?
Maybe the kids perceive the pet to be a burden. There are food costs and vet bills. The animal sheds and there is hair all over the house. Whatever the reason, things are seen as simpler without the pet. But the important question in our lives is never what is easiest, it is what is best. What offers us the fullest quality of life?
An issue which is often overlooked is care of a pet should the owner be become indisposed. Those on whom we rely need to know how to care for our pets our absence. What are the dislikes and preferences in foods or toys? Routines and schedules can be very important with older pets. If necessary, is there a certain person we would like the animal to go to? If we don’t communicate these things, how will anyone know them?
Pets enrich our lives and our health at any age. A little thought, planning, and perhaps some cooperation, make that sustainable.
Aging in Place, it doesn’t happen by accident. A little furry companionship doesn’t hurt either.
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With temperatures dropping below 40 and the roar of the furnace kicking on, we are all reminded of the little things we meant to do, but haven’t gotten done. Well, it isn’t too late.
For some of us the improvements are not so little. Big stuff like insulation, repairing or replacing an old furnace, and air sealing can mean significant savings on fuel and a more comfortable home. Of course, it takes money to save money
Fortunately, there are low interest and even no interest loans for those who are income eligible. Some loans don’t even require payment until the house is sold. These are available throughout the state through the NeighborWorks Alliance of Vermont.
Online information can be found at their website, www.vthomeownership.org. The site is very user-friendly and easy to navigate. It lists the various home ownership centers around the state that administer these programs. There is also detailed information about qualifying incomes, types of programs and payment options.
Whether the need is for roof repair or furnace replacement, the services offered go far beyond providing the needed funds. Their Rehab Specialists write the job description, approve insured contractors, help coordinate and evaluate bids, inspect the work and even manage payments to the contractors. All these services are provided at no cost.
Finding the right people to do the work is often as difficult as getting the money to pay for it. The NeighborWorks Alliance of Vermont is a tremendous resource in solving the issues faced by retirees on tight budgets trying to keep their homes livable and affordable.
Those who do not go online, can call Liz Curry at 802-527-2892. She will assist you in finding the home ownership center nearest you. Ms Curry can also explain the programs and income eligibility standards in simple, clear language. If you get her voice mail, don’t panic; she responded to my message quickly and I found her to be very, very helpful.
We may not be able to stop the cold from coming, but there are certainly things we can do to keep Old Man Winter outdoors where he belongs.
By the way, some of you may recall my announcing last winter that we were turning our thermostat extra 5 degrees. (It sent us to bed early some nights and kept us in sweaters while up and about.) That, a couple of new windows, and some air sealing saved us 20 percent on our heating bill! So, this weatherizing stuff really does make a difference.
Stay warm and remember, Aging in Place, it doesn’t happen by accident.
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